Do you ever worry that your own thoughts are sabotaging a perfectly good relationship? It’s a painful and confusing place to be. You might be with someone kind, supportive, and loving, yet your mind is flooded with persistent doubts that you just can’t shake. This can create a deep sense of guilt and fear, making you wonder if you’re the problem. The constant questioning can erode trust and intimacy, creating the very disconnection you’re so afraid of. This article will help you look closer at these patterns and figure out if the issue is internal or external, giving you the tools to distinguish between ROCD or wrong relationship red flags.

Key Takeaways

• Look at the pattern of your doubts, not just the content: Real relationship problems are tied to tangible events and persistent unhappiness. ROCD, however, creates an intense, repetitive loop of anxiety fueled by "what if" questions and a frantic need for 100% certainty, even when the relationship is fundamentally healthy.
• Resist the urge for reassurance to break the cycle: Constantly asking for validation, checking your feelings, or searching for answers online might feel productive, but these compulsions only strengthen the obsession. The first step to weakening ROCD's power is to learn to sit with the discomfort of uncertainty without reacting.
• Specialized therapy is the most effective path forward: ROCD is a treatable condition, but it rarely resolves on its own. Seeking a therapist experienced in OCD and approaches like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is crucial for getting an accurate diagnosis and learning the skills to manage intrusive thoughts effectively.

What is Relationship OCD (ROCD)?

Let’s start with the basics. Relationship OCD, or ROCD, is a form of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder where your romantic relationship becomes the target of intense, unwanted doubts and fears. It’s not about having a passing thought like, “Do we have enough in common?” Instead, it’s a relentless cycle of intrusive thoughts questioning the very foundation of your connection.

You might find yourself obsessing over whether your partner is “the one,” if you truly love them, or if they truly love you. These aren't just fleeting worries; they're distressing, sticky thoughts that can feel impossible to shake, causing significant anxiety and turmoil. It's a specific subtype of OCD that can make you feel like your relationship is constantly on trial, with its fate hanging in the balance.

Is It ROCD or Just Normal Doubts?

Every relationship has moments of doubt—that’s completely normal. So how can you tell the difference? Normal doubts are usually temporary and can be soothed by a good conversation or a moment of connection. ROCD, on the other hand, feels constant and insatiable. The anxiety is persistent, and no amount of reassurance from your partner provides lasting relief. You might find yourself ruminating on the relationship for hours, even when you’re supposed to be focused on work or enjoying a hobby. The key difference is the intensity and the inability to let the thought go, which is something many people explore in individual counseling.

The Obsessive-Compulsive Loop in Relationships

ROCD operates in a vicious cycle. First, an obsessive thought pops into your head (“What if I don’t really love them?”). This creates intense anxiety, which you then try to relieve with a compulsion. Compulsions in ROCD can look like constantly asking your partner for reassurance (“Do you really love me?”), mentally reviewing past moments for “proof” of your love, or comparing your relationship to others. This might bring a moment of relief, but it only reinforces the obsession, making it stronger the next time it appears. Ironically, the fear of hurting your partner often leads to behaviors that do just that, creating a painful loop for both of you. Understanding this cycle is the first step toward breaking free, often with the help of therapeutic approaches like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

What Does ROCD Look and Feel Like?

Living with Relationship OCD (ROCD) feels like having a relentless critic in your head, one who constantly questions the most intimate part of your life. It’s not the same as having occasional pre-wedding jitters or wondering if you and your partner are compatible long-term. Those are normal parts of being in a relationship. ROCD, on the other hand, is a persistent and distressing cycle of obsessive doubts and compulsive behaviors that can make you feel trapped and exhausted.

The thoughts are often intrusive and unwanted, creating a storm of anxiety that feels impossible to ignore. You might find yourself on a constant, high-stakes quest for certainty, trying to prove to yourself that your love is "real" or that your partner is "the one." This internal battle can be incredibly isolating because, on the outside, your relationship might look perfectly happy. The turmoil isn't necessarily about your partner or the reality of your connection; it's about the obsessive-compulsive loop happening inside your mind. Understanding what this looks and feels like is the first step toward finding clarity.

Constant Doubts About Your Partner

One of the core features of Relationship OCD is an intense and recurring fixation on your partner’s perceived flaws. These aren't just fleeting thoughts; they are obsessive doubts that can take over your thinking. You might find yourself zeroing in on their physical appearance, their intelligence, their social skills, or their character.

These unwanted thoughts feel incredibly real and urgent, causing a great deal of worry and guilt, even if you’re in a genuinely loving and supportive relationship. You might know, on some level, that these doubts are exaggerated or irrational, but you can’t seem to shake them. This isn't about having healthy standards; it's a pattern of obsessive questioning that undermines your ability to simply enjoy your partner and your connection.

The Need for Constant Reassurance

When obsessive doubts create intense anxiety, the natural urge is to do something—anything—to make the feeling go away. In ROCD, this often takes the form of seeking constant reassurance. You might repeatedly ask your partner, "Are you sure you love me?" or "Are we going to be okay?" You may also turn to friends and family, asking them over and over if they think your partner is right for you or if your relationship seems healthy.

This compulsion can even involve endlessly searching online for articles about "signs you're in the wrong relationship." While asking for reassurance might provide a moment of relief, it’s always temporary. The obsessive doubts soon return, often stronger than before, reinforcing the cycle and making you even more dependent on external validation.

Overthinking Your Feelings and Compatibility

Another common experience with ROCD is the compulsive need to analyze your own feelings and the relationship's viability. You might constantly "check" your emotions to see if you feel "in love enough" or monitor your physical reactions around your partner for proof of attraction. This can turn into a mental spreadsheet where you’re constantly weighing the pros and cons of your relationship, comparing it to others, or searching for a perfect sense of certainty that doesn't exist.

This pattern of overthinking can make it difficult to be present and engaged in your relationship. Instead of experiencing moments together, you're analyzing them. While it can look like a genuine relationship problem, this kind of mental gymnastics is often driven by internal anxiety and self-doubt, not by actual issues between you and your partner.

Signs You Might Be in the Wrong Relationship

While ROCD can make you question a perfectly healthy partnership, it’s also true that not all relationships are meant to last. Distinguishing between anxiety-fueled doubts and genuine red flags is the key. If your concerns are less about intrusive thoughts and more about consistent, real-world patterns, it might be time to look closer at the dynamic itself. These signs point less toward ROCD and more toward foundational problems that need to be addressed.

A Pattern of Unhappiness and Disconnection

This isn't about having a bad week or feeling annoyed with your partner's habits. This is a deeper, more persistent feeling of unhappiness or emptiness in the relationship. You might feel a constant sense of frustration, boredom, or a lack of emotional closeness, even when things are technically "fine." It’s that nagging feeling that something is fundamentally missing. If you find yourself daydreaming about a different life or feeling more like yourself when you're away from your partner, it’s a significant sign. This chronic disconnection suggests the core of the relationship may not be fulfilling your emotional needs, something that individual counseling can help you explore.

Lacking Emotional Safety and Mutual Respect

A healthy relationship should feel like a safe harbor. If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells or hide parts of yourself, that safety is missing. Do you hesitate to share your true thoughts and feelings because you’re afraid your partner will dismiss, ignore, or criticize them? This lack of emotional safety is a major red flag. It prevents true intimacy from forming and can lead to deep-seated resentment and loneliness. Mutual respect is the foundation of this safety. When it’s gone, you lose the ability to be vulnerable and authentic, which are essential for a lasting connection.

Communication Breakdowns and Unresolved Fights

Do you and your partner have the same argument over and over again? When recurring problems never get solved, it points to a serious breakdown in communication. This cycle of unresolved conflict erodes trust and goodwill. Another sign is a consistent imbalance in sacrifice. If you feel like you’re always the one compromising, adjusting your life, or giving things up while your partner isn’t willing to do the same, it creates an unfair dynamic. Healthy relationships are a two-way street. When communication fails and compromise is one-sided, it’s difficult to move forward together. Learning to break these patterns is often the focus of couples counseling.

ROCD vs. Real Problems: How to Tell the Difference

Trying to figure out if your relationship doubts are a sign of a real problem or a symptom of ROCD can feel like an impossible task. The thoughts can seem so similar on the surface, and the anxiety they create feels just as real either way. It’s easy to get lost in the mental fog, questioning everything about your partner, your feelings, and your future together. This uncertainty can be paralyzing, leaving you stuck in a loop of analysis that never leads to a clear answer. You might spend hours comparing your relationship to others or searching for the one piece of evidence that will finally confirm you’re making the right choice.

But here’s the thing: you can learn to tell the difference. When you look closer at where your thoughts come from, how they behave, and the specific emotions they stir up, some key distinctions begin to emerge. It’s about shifting your focus from the content of the thought (e.g., "Do I really love them?") to the process behind it. Is it a calm reflection on an ongoing issue, or a frantic, repetitive obsession? Understanding this difference is the first step toward finding the right path forward. It helps you know whether you need to address issues within the relationship or work on your own thought patterns, perhaps with the support of individual counseling. Let’s break down the clues that can help you tell what’s really going on.

How Your Thoughts Reveal the Answer

One of the biggest clues is the source of your worries. Real relationship problems usually stem from tangible events or patterns. Maybe you argue constantly about finances, you feel a lack of support, or your core values just don’t align. These are issues based on your shared experience. ROCD symptoms, on the other hand, often feel like they come out of nowhere. They are fueled by internal self-doubt and overthinking, not by actual problems in the relationship. You might find yourself obsessing over a tiny flaw in your partner’s appearance or a "what if" scenario about the future, even when things are going well. It’s the difference between reacting to a real-world problem and getting stuck in a cycle of hypothetical fears.

The Role of Intensity and Persistence

Think about how much time and energy your doubts consume. While everyone has moments of uncertainty in a relationship, ROCD takes it to another level. A key difference is the sheer amount of time you spend worrying. If your obsessions and compulsions take up an hour or more of your day and get in the way of your work, hobbies, or general happiness, that’s a strong indicator of ROCD. You might also feel a powerful, urgent need to figure it all out right now. This frantic search for certainty is a classic compulsion. In a relationship with genuine issues, you might feel sad or frustrated, but you likely aren’t spending hours a day in a panicked loop trying to solve the "is this the one?" question.

What Your Emotional Responses Are Telling You

The emotions tied to your doubts are also very telling. In an unhealthy relationship, you might feel unhappy, lonely, or angry, but you don't necessarily think about it constantly with the same intense fear and guilt that comes with ROCD. The anxiety of ROCD feels different—it’s a persistent, nagging dread that can make you doubt someone you truly love, even when things are logically going well. This creates a confusing internal conflict where your heart feels one way, but your anxious mind is screaming the opposite. This clash between your genuine feelings for your partner and the terror of your intrusive thoughts is a hallmark of ROCD that couples counseling can help you both understand and work through together.

Common Triggers for ROCD Episodes

Relationship OCD obsessions rarely show up out of the blue. More often, they are set off by specific triggers—events, feelings, or situations that activate your core fears about the relationship. Think of a trigger as anything that pokes the bear of uncertainty, causing your mind to spiral into its familiar loop of questioning and doubt. Identifying what sets off these episodes is a crucial step toward managing them. When you can see the trigger clearly, you can start to separate the OCD thought pattern from the reality of your partnership.

Understanding your triggers doesn't make the intrusive thoughts disappear, but it does give you power. It allows you to say, "Ah, I'm feeling this way because we just talked about moving in together, and that's a known trigger for my ROCD," instead of, "This doubt must mean I don't really love my partner." Triggers can be external, like a major life event, or internal, like a shift in your mood. They are the catalysts that turn a passing thought into a full-blown obsession. Learning to spot them is like turning on a light in a dark room; you can finally see what you're dealing with. Let’s look at some of the most common ones.

Big Milestones and Life Changes

Moments that are supposed to be exciting can often feel terrifying when you have ROCD. Big relationship milestones—like deciding to be exclusive, meeting the family, moving in together, or getting engaged—are powerful triggers. Why? Because each step represents a deeper level of commitment, which raises the perceived stakes. The closer you get, the more your OCD demands absolute certainty that you're making the "perfect" choice. This pressure can make obsessions feel especially intense. Instead of feeling joy about finding a new apartment with your partner, your mind might be flooded with doubts about their long-term suitability. This reaction is not a sign that the milestone is a mistake; it's a sign that your fear of making the wrong choice has been activated.

Social Pressure and Comparison

We are constantly surrounded by idealized versions of love. From romantic comedies to curated social media feeds, we see relationships that seem effortless, passionate, and free of conflict. This sets an impossibly high bar. For someone with ROCD, this creates a breeding ground for comparison. You might find yourself constantly measuring your own relationship against these unrealistic standards, a process that will always leave you feeling like something is missing. This can trigger obsessive thoughts like, "Do I feel as passionate as that couple looks?" or "We argue sometimes, so does that mean we're not compatible?" The truth is that real, healthy relationships evolve and have moments of disconnection. Believing that love should feel a certain way 100% of the time is a common misconception that fuels the fire of ROCD.

Anxiety, Perfectionism, and ROCD

Sometimes, the trigger isn't an external event but an internal state. If you already live with anxiety or have perfectionistic tendencies, you may be more vulnerable to ROCD. Perfectionism isn't just about keeping a tidy home; it's often a deep-seated intolerance for uncertainty and a fear of making mistakes. A relationship is one of the most significant decisions a person can make, so the perfectionist mind goes into overdrive trying to guarantee a flawless outcome. This is not about a lack of love for your partner. In fact, the distress is often so high precisely because you care so much and are terrified of getting it wrong. The anxiety and drive for perfection create the obsessive thoughts, not a fundamental problem in the partnership. Working through these underlying patterns in individual counseling can help you build a greater tolerance for the natural uncertainties of life and love.

Myths About ROCD That Keep You Stuck

When you’re caught in the grip of ROCD, it’s easy to get tangled in certain beliefs about love and relationships. These ideas often feel like universal truths, but they’re actually myths that fuel the obsessive-compulsive cycle. Believing them can keep you stuck, constantly seeking certainty in a place it doesn’t exist. Let’s walk through some of the most common myths about ROCD and unpack why letting them go is a crucial step toward finding clarity and peace in your relationship.

Myth: Doubts Always Mean It's the Wrong Person

It’s one of the most painful assumptions of ROCD: if you have doubts, you must not be with the right person. The truth is, everyone has doubts in their relationship at some point. It’s a normal part of sharing a life with another person. With ROCD, however, these normal flickers of uncertainty become all-consuming obsessions. The cruel irony is that the intense fear of hurting your partner often leads you to repeatedly express these doubts, which can cause the very pain you’re trying to avoid. The problem isn’t the presence of doubt, but the meaning and power your OCD gives it. Learning to see doubts as just thoughts—not facts—is a key part of individual counseling.

Myth: "True Love" Is Doubt-Free

We’ve all been sold a story about what "true love" is supposed to feel like—a constant state of passion, certainty, and blissful connection. This fairytale narrative is a perfect breeding ground for ROCD. It sets an impossible standard that no real-life relationship can meet. Relationships evolve; passion ebbs and flows, and deep connection requires work. Believing that love should feel a certain way 100% of the time creates a constant cycle of checking your feelings and comparing your reality to a fantasy. A healthy partnership has room for off days, moments of disconnection, and quiet periods. It doesn’t mean the love is gone; it just means it’s real.

Myth: It Will Just Go Away on Its Own

Hoping that the intrusive thoughts and compulsions will simply fade with time is a common, yet unhelpful, strategy. Unfortunately, ROCD doesn't usually resolve itself without intervention. Ignoring it can allow the patterns to become more entrenched, potentially leading to the end of a wonderful relationship that was sabotaged by the disorder, not by a lack of love. Untreated ROCD can cause significant distress for both you and your partner. Taking action by seeking professional help isn’t a sign of weakness or proof that the relationship is doomed; it’s a sign of strength and commitment. Specialized therapies like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can give you the tools to manage symptoms effectively.

How to Cope with ROCD Symptoms Now

When you’re caught in a storm of intrusive thoughts, it can feel like you need to find the "right" answer immediately. But managing ROCD isn't about finding certainty; it's about learning to sit with the discomfort and reduce the power these thoughts have over you. While professional therapy is the most effective long-term solution, there are strategies you can start using right now to find some relief. These techniques focus on changing your reaction to the thoughts, not on eliminating them entirely. By practicing these skills, you can begin to loosen ROCD’s grip and reclaim your peace of mind.

Breaking the Reassurance Cycle

If you have ROCD, you might feel a constant, pressing urge to "neutralize" your anxious thoughts. This often looks like asking your partner if they still love you, repeatedly checking your own feelings, or spending hours searching online for signs of a "perfect" relationship. While these compulsions can offer a moment of relief, they ultimately make the anxiety worse over time. The reassurance-seeking feeds the obsession, creating a cycle that’s hard to stop. The first step is to recognize this pattern. When you feel the urge for reassurance, try to pause and label it as a compulsion. This small space between the urge and the action is where your power lies. It’s challenging, but resisting the compulsion is a key part of showing your brain that you can handle the anxiety without it. This is a core component of the therapeutic approaches we use to help clients manage OCD.

Learning to Live with Uncertainty

The ultimate goal of ROCD is to get you to find 100% certainty about your relationship, which is an impossible task. A powerful way to counteract this is to practice accepting uncertainty. Instead of fighting with or trying to disprove an upsetting thought, you can learn to simply notice it without getting entangled. Think of it like a cloud passing in the sky—you can see it, acknowledge it's there, but you don't have to climb onto it. This practice helps you accept difficult thoughts and feelings as a normal part of the human experience, allowing you to focus on what truly matters to you in your life and relationship. Learning to tolerate the discomfort of not knowing for sure is a skill that builds resilience against ROCD’s demands.

Using Mindfulness for Intrusive Thoughts

Mindfulness is the practice of paying attention to the present moment without judgment, and it’s an incredibly effective tool for dealing with intrusive thoughts. When an ROCD thought appears, instead of following it down a rabbit hole of analysis, you can gently redirect your focus to something happening right now. Tune into the sensation of your feet on the floor, the taste of your coffee, or the sound of birds outside. You don’t have to force the thought away; just choose to place your attention elsewhere. As you practice this, you’ll find that mindfulness can help you accept thoughts and feelings without letting them control you, which improves your overall well-being and lessens the distress they cause.

Effective Treatments for ROCD

If you’re struggling with the relentless cycle of ROCD, please know that you are not alone, and you don’t have to figure this out by yourself. Effective, evidence-based treatments can help you quiet the noise and find peace in your relationship. The goal isn’t to erase all doubt forever—it’s to learn how to manage intrusive thoughts so they no longer control your life and your connection with your partner. With the right support, you can learn to sit with uncertainty and build a relationship based on your values, not your fears. Several therapeutic approaches have proven incredibly helpful for people experiencing ROCD.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Exposure Therapy

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is one of the most effective methods for treating ROCD. This approach helps you understand the connection between your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Instead of trying to fight off intrusive thoughts, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy teaches you how to change your relationship with them and accept that you can’t know everything with 100% certainty.

A specific type of CBT called Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) is considered the gold standard for OCD treatment. ERP involves gradually and safely exposing yourself to the thoughts and situations that trigger your fears without performing your usual compulsions, like asking for reassurance. It sounds intimidating, but it’s a gentle process done with a therapist’s guidance. Over time, this helps your brain learn that the anxiety will pass on its own, significantly reducing your symptoms.

Mindfulness and Acceptance Strategies

Mindfulness and acceptance-based strategies offer another powerful way to manage ROCD. One popular approach is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), which teaches you to stop struggling with difficult thoughts and feelings. Instead of trying to push them away, you learn to acknowledge their presence and let them go, all while focusing on what truly matters to you in your life and relationship. It’s about making room for discomfort so you can live a rich, meaningful life alongside it.

Practicing mindfulness helps you stay grounded in the present moment rather than getting swept away by anxious thoughts about the future. When an intrusive thought pops up, you can learn to simply notice it as a thought—not a fact—and gently bring your attention back to the here and now. This practice reduces the power these thoughts have over you.

Why a Specialized Assessment Matters

Because the symptoms of ROCD can so closely mimic genuine relationship dissatisfaction, getting an accurate diagnosis is a critical first step. ROCD is frequently misdiagnosed, which is why it’s so important to find a therapist who has specific expertise in treating OCD and its various forms. A professional with this specialized knowledge can conduct a thorough assessment to help you understand what’s really going on.

This assessment helps differentiate between obsessive thoughts driven by OCD and legitimate red flags in a relationship. It ensures your treatment plan is tailored specifically to you. Without a proper diagnosis, you might spend time and energy trying to solve relationship problems when the root issue is actually anxiety. If you’re ready to get clarity, we encourage you to reach out to our team for a consultation.

When to Get Professional Help for Your Doubts

Deciding to seek professional help is a personal choice, but it’s often the most powerful step you can take toward clarity and peace. If relationship doubts are consuming your thoughts and impacting your daily life, it might be time to speak with someone. Therapy provides a safe, confidential space to explore your feelings without judgment and learn practical skills to manage distressing thoughts. It’s not about getting someone to tell you whether to stay or go; it’s about helping you find your own answers.

When Your Thoughts Feel Overwhelming

Everyone has moments of doubt in their relationship. But when those doubts become a constant, looping track in your mind, it’s a sign that something more is going on. This pattern is a hallmark of Relationship OCD (ROCD), a condition where obsessive fears target your romantic partnership. You might find yourself endlessly questioning if you truly love your partner, if they’re “the one,” or if there’s someone better out there. These aren’t just passing worries; they are persistent, intrusive thoughts that cause significant anxiety and distress, making it feel impossible to be present and enjoy your relationship. If this sounds familiar, professional support can make a world of difference.

Finding a Therapist Who Specializes in ROCD

When you’re ready to seek help, it’s important to find a therapist who truly understands the complexities of OCD and its subtypes. ROCD can sometimes be misdiagnosed, so working with a specialist is key to getting effective treatment. Therapies like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) are highly effective for reducing symptoms. A trained therapist can guide you through these processes, helping you break free from the cycle of obsessive thoughts and compulsive reassurance-seeking. Taking this step not only helps you find relief but can also ease the strain on your partner and your relationship. If you’re ready to talk, we invite you to get in touch with our team.

Frequently Asked Questions

My partner has flaws that really bother me. How do I know if it's ROCD or just a real compatibility issue? This is the central question, and it can be tough to untangle. The biggest clue is in the feeling behind the thought. A genuine compatibility issue often feels like a consistent, grounded concern about core values or life goals. The thoughts might be sad or frustrating, but they don't usually create a sense of frantic panic. ROCD, on the other hand, tends to latch onto flaws with an obsessive, urgent intensity. The worry feels catastrophic, and you might spend hours ruminating on a single issue, feeling a desperate need to solve it right now. It’s the difference between a calm reflection and an anxious spiral.

I know seeking reassurance is a compulsion, but how do I actually stop doing it when the anxiety feels so intense? It’s incredibly difficult, so first, give yourself some credit for even recognizing the pattern. The key isn't to eliminate the anxiety but to learn that you can survive it without performing the compulsion. Start small. When the urge for reassurance hits, try to pause for just one minute before acting on it. The goal is to create a small space between the feeling and the action. In that space, you can label the urge—"This is a compulsion"—which helps you see it more objectively. Over time, you can extend that pause. It’s a skill you build, not a switch you flip, and it’s one of the main things a therapist can help you practice.

Can ROCD actually make me fall out of love with my partner? This is one of the most common and painful fears associated with ROCD. The disorder creates so much mental noise and anxiety that it can absolutely make it feel like you're falling out of love. The constant doubt and emotional distress can create a real sense of distance between you and your partner. However, it's important to remember that this feeling is often a symptom of the OCD, not a true reflection of your connection. Treatment helps you turn down the volume on the anxiety so you can reconnect with your genuine feelings, which are often still there underneath all the noise.

What if I get therapy for ROCD and discover that my relationship is the problem? This is a completely valid fear, and it stops many people from seeking help. The purpose of therapy isn't to force you to stay in a relationship that isn't right for you. The goal is to give you clarity. By learning to manage the obsessive thoughts and compulsions, you clear away the fog of anxiety. This allows you to evaluate your relationship from a place of wisdom and personal values, rather than from a place of fear. Whatever you discover, you'll be able to make a decision that feels authentic to you, not one dictated by anxiety.

Should my partner be involved in my therapy for ROCD? While the core work of managing ROCD is typically done in individual therapy, involving your partner can be a game-changer. It can be incredibly helpful for them to understand that your obsessive doubts are a symptom of a disorder, not a personal failing on their part. A therapist can also teach them how to stop participating in reassurance cycles, which unintentionally strengthens the OCD. This allows them to become an ally in your recovery. Sometimes, couples counseling is also a great option to address any strain the ROCD has placed on your connection.